"I'm a reporter. I have been for 12 years. And in all that time, I've never had a real scoop. Never. I'm a

failure. I've done this long enough, so now I'm going to jump off this bridge and kill myself. One, two, ..."

"Wait! Wait! Why are you jumping?"

"I'm a failed reporter. I've never had a real scoop."

"Oh. You think you have it bad, I'm a truck driver, and I've got hemorrhoids. I think I'll join you."

"One, two, ..."

"Wait! What are you all doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Oh, I'm a grade school teacher. I just realized that

I can't stand whiney little kids. I think I'll join you."

"One, two, ..."

"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Well I'm a florist, and I've got hay fever." sneeze! "I

think I'll join you."

"One, two, ..."

"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "I'm a dentist, hic and I've had the hiccups for the last

hic five years. Would you like a tooth removed hic?" He holds one of those pointy dentist things, and each time he

hics his hands jerk around "No!" "Then I think I'll hic join you."

"One! Two! Three!!!" They all jump, except for the reporter.

"Four people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop!" He runs offstage, scribbling furiously on his notepad.

-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins